Worried I'll Overstep

Dear Cordelia,

I have been dating a newly divorced man that has three beautiful daughters. He has a five-year-old, a three-year-old and a two-year-old. We have been together for 6 months. His ex’s birthday is coming up and they divorced amicably. However, he has made absolutely no move to help his daughters with something for their mom. Would it be weird to discuss getting or making her a present from the girls since they aren’t old enough to do so on their own? How would I go about that without creating issues?

Please Help,

Worried I’ll Overstep.

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Dear Worried I’ll Overstep,

I have always been a firm believer in not having children pay for the issues their parents may have. Celebrating a birthday isn't about showing someone that you are madly in love with them. It is about thanking them for being there for you and showing them that you care about them as much as they care about you. If they separated peacefully but still have a strong enough relationship to co-parent respectfully and be a family for the kids, it would be weird to not do something to help them be involved in celebrating their special day.

Personally, I would bring it up with your boyfriend. I would explain that I think it would be a good idea for the girls to do something special for their mom and offer to help.  I would suggest sitting down with them and make a keychain out of beads or something special like that as well as a card. The homemade gifts always mean so much more because they take a lot of thought to make. Then I would have my kid give their parent the present the next time they see them. Maybe even make a cake or cupcakes with the five-year-old and have the three-year-old and two-year-old help decorate it too with icing pens.

Just because the adult's relationship is shaky, that doesn't mean that the kid's relationship has to be too. I would do the same for special events and holidays like Christmas as well because, at the end of the day, family means everything.

I hope this helps! If you have any other questions, please reply!

~Cordelia Cross.