Independent Parent

Dear Cordelia,

Why do so many people suddenly think it's acceptable to continue to live with their parents into adulthood? When my kids were younger all they could talk about was moving out the moment they turned 18. Now they are 19 and 21 and have no desire to move out. I don't mean to be selfish, but I was really looking forward to having my life back and being able to do my own thing. When did the thought process around living with your parents change? Is this normal?

Please help me here, I feel like I am going crazy,

~Wanting my Independence

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Wanting My Independence,

To Put things in perspective look at it this way:

When you turn 18 most people don’t have work experience. Most have just graduated high school and are looking at college or vocational training or just plain looking to get a job.

Straight out of high school the majority of jobs you can get are retail-oriented or involve restaurants. Also, keep in mind that minimum wage laws do not apply to commission or tipped based jobs.

So for the sake of math, let’s just say that you are making 10 dollars an hour (which is the minimum wage in most areas). Also for the sake of math, let’s pretend you drive an old beater with a heater that is fully paid off and does not have a car payment.

So if you make $10.00 an hour working 34 hours (because retail full time is between 32 and 35 hours so that they don’t risk you staying late one day and having to pay you overtime) you would earn 340 dollars a week before taxes. After about 15% comes out to cover all types of necessary tax you would be left with 289 a week or 1156 a month for 4 weeks of work.

Then you have rent which would probably be about 700 dollars a month if you are lucky. Bringing you to 456.00 left over for the month.

Then you have Electric, Gas, Water, and garbage depending on where you live which could add up to about 150 collectively depending on your area and your landlord. This would bring you to 306 left a month.

Then you have Car insurance which could be between 70 to 100 depending on how old your car is and what kind of coverage you have. It can even be more, but for argument sake, let’s stick to 70 for low-end insurance. That would bring you to 236.

Then you have your phone and internet that would be about another 100.00 Bringing you to 136.

Your unit probably doesn’t have a washer and dryer. So you would have to pay to do your laundry (or gas to bring it to your parent’s house). Let’s say about 4.00 a week since most Laundrymats charge 2.00 for a wash and an extra 2.00 to dry each load. So then subtract 16.00.

This would leave you 220.

But then you need Gas money to get to work. With Gas at 3.19, a gallon like it is here if you have a 15-gallon tank it would cost 47.85 to fill the tank. You have to do that twice a month to get to work, the grocery store, and anywhere else you need to go. That would cost 95.70 total.

That leaves you 124.30. But then you still need essentials, toiletries, napkins, Laundry detergent, dish soap, and other consumable household products. All of those things would eat up about 100 a month.

That leaves you with 24.30 for groceries for the entire month.

This is all contingent on the fact that you already have dishes, and anything else you might need for the house, you get lucky on your car insurance rate, and you are lucky to find an apartment that is only 700 a month.

Plus, this would keep them from being able to go to school. They would have to get a second job just to be able to afford enough ramen to sustain them the entire month let alone have a real meal.

At this point they would be killing themselves working two minimum wage jobs, they wouldn’t be able to afford the out of pocket costs for school, they would constantly be in fear of catching a cold and missing work, especially since they don’t get PTO time at their second job.

Would you want that kind of life for your kid?

Wouldn’t you rather your child lives with you, contributes towards rent and household expenses, and saves what money they can to put towards living a bit more comfortable when they move out? I would want my family close by instead of knowing that they are suffering in an apartment, too scared to admit defeat and beg for grocery money from their parents. Especially when knowing that it would be met with a “Why won't you just get a better job?” or “Why didn’t you go to school?”

So the answer to your question is that younger adults are finding it better to stay with their parents and do what they need to do to earn money and be self-sufficient in a way that won’t have them come crawling back to their parents in a year or two. Especially now in a time where you spend almost as much getting to work as you do working.

I hope this answers your question. I know things can be frustrating when they don't go as planned, but you need to remember that you made the commitment to have kids. While they stop being Children at 18 that doesn't mean they stop being YOUR children.

~Cordelia Cross.

P.S. Kudos to any of you who may have caught the part where I said “Then you have your phone and internet that would be about another 100.00 bringing you to $136.” Then, in the next section I mentioned that this would leave you $220. This was intentional to show that no matter how perfect you believe your plan may be, that mistakes happen, and when you are living on a tight budget these mistakes can mean the difference between starving and getting to eat every day.